This Mess is Hot, But We’ll Call it Pretty Out of Respect, Day 23/24, “The Me Project”

I come from a long line of well-organized, well-decorated, clean women. Even when they’re midst crisis or busy with work or whatever- they pull it off. They are exceptional hostesses, are prompt and courteous, and themselves, homes, and children always look and smell amazing.

Me and mine? Notsomuch.

I assumed, when I stopped working full-time, that I’d learn to be good at (and even enjoy?) housekeeping, bookkeeping, grocery shopping, etc, but….nup. I have more time for it, but no more aptitude or interest.

This morning, the children who live here and I ate a *nutrition breakfast , drank coffee (more me than them) and watched James Corden comedy videos on repeat, and then realized school was starting and we should probably go, which cued them to start practicing break dancing on the dining room floor, and me to start screaming at them break dancing on the dining room floor. Eventually, they got dressed, brushed 1 or 2 teeth and none hair, and rushed out the door. This was the 3rd or 4th day this week that we were late for school. I suck. To be fair, they suck, too….but I’m pretty sure they suck because I suck.

Damn, this parenting thing is so jacked up.

Last night, I shattered one of Henry’s **prized toys because when I sat down on the bed to bring my tough mom game to a stubborn child, it was under me, and I threw it. I just threw it. It smashed, and he cried, and I apologized. Later I duct taped it and bless its little crappy Chinese plastic heart, it started working again.

Even so, what a mess. I have no control over my temper, no ability to keep my emotions under my control, and my room is not clean. And yet I am tasked to teach emotional maturity and organization to these children.

So, we’re all ***fucked, right?

*bagels with a side of bagel

**toy that has been ignored for years and only rediscovered in the last week


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Find me on Ravishly, The Belladonna Comedy, Pregnant Chicken, & more. Being a human is hard- maybe the kids can help., Twitter: @sarahzimzam

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