Oh My God, Don’t Touch Me; Reflections on Vacationing with Children. Day 112. “The Me Project”

So. We just got back from a 5 day trip to California. From where we live in the midwest, that’s 3–6 hours of flying, pending lay-overs, and a 3 hour time difference. When we arrived there, it was 2am our time and all of us were still awake. The following days, we proceeded to enjoy all the sunshines and entertainment in the lands of Disney and LEGO.

The thing about theme parks is that they are terrible, but for some reason, we love them? I’ve tried hard to explain it to non-Disney people before and I can’t. There’s no rational explanation. It is HELLA expensive, hella crowded, hella waiting in line, hella too much stimulation and consumer temptation, and just generally hella hell.

The 6 y/o said it more eloquently:

“It’s loud. It’s terrible. And no one’s giving me my space!”

But, because it’s so expensive, we the parents are begging our kids to ignore all that and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE FUN YOU WILL REMEMBER FOR A LIFETIME.

It’s a lot; carrying them when they get tired, cooling them and hydrating them in the 71 degree flaming heat (uh-huh, yes, they bitched about that), putting food into their mouth holes every nine seconds as a bribe so they won’t just quit life and sit down on the pavement, figuring out the logistics of where to go, when, and who has to pee or already maybe did…where are your shoes!? Sigh.

Why. Why. Why. I ask you. Why do we ever leave the house. And this is a large leaving the house. And all around you, there are literally tens of thousands of families doing the same exact thing. So not only do you have to deal with your children, but you kind of have to deal with their children, too.

We’re back home now. I’m currently hiding from everyone I love in a coffee shop because if anyone says my name I will definitely snap, hiss, and growl at them. I might she-Hulk out of my sweater, too. Is jet lag a thing all people get, or just parents?

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Oh, I almost forgot. The social media version of our trip: Sunshine! Rides! Family fun! Love these goofballs. #blessed #rest #vacation #chill

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