Kids Can Make You Feel Like Shit All Before 8:00am, Day 76, “The Me Project”
My daughter’s birthday happened recently and I spent a LOT of money on decorations and gifts and foods, and a LOT of time on cleaning and decorating the house. (Feel cherished, dammit!) I made birthday muffins and a bright blue birthday smoothie after she went to bed on birthday-eve, so that she could wake up to them on her big day.
She hated them.
They were made with oat flour and natural peanut butter and fresh fruit (and contained sprinkles, I’m not a monster) because we ate SO much candy and cake over the weekend, I’m trying to do right by her teeth and digestive system. But they were described by both kids as ‘GRAINY AND FLAVORLESS.’
Oh, also, the first thing she said when she woke up on her birthday was, “WHAT DID MY BROHTER GET ME?” which the answer was definitely nothing, because I didn’t take him to get something, didn’t force thim to choose, didn’t pay for it or encourage him or remind him….so I fail even through his failure, because I own everything. Blerg.
Then, this morning they insisted on walking to school because one of them wanted to get caught by friends listening to this nightmare song on a tiny speaker on the backpack. So we walked. But it was frozen hell out this weekend and they each fell 3–30 times on the way there. My heart stops over every bruise, and I feel like a bad mom that I let them walk, even though fresh air, but on the other hand, cold, wet pants….I just do not know.
I feel guilty for this, guilty for that. I feel like I’m continuously failing. And did I mention it’s fucking gloomy outside?