I Think We’re Alone Now, Day 32, “The Me Project”

I’m sitting by myself, writing in silence for the first time in at least a week. I’ve been itching to have the space to create quietly, and I’m way behind on everything, but marinating in time with Robb and the kids has been a great trade-off.

Last weekend we Thanksgiving’d with family, then Robb was home for a few days, so we scampered to get all personal and small business year-end stuff done before the kids were released from school. There followed a few family days of reading 400 pages of the last Harry Potter book (!) to the big kid, having friends over for tea parties and Nintendo Switch tourneys, watching Christmas movies, doing crafts, cooking and eating a ridonc amount of food, and finally sending Robb off to China on another work trip. Now I’m home alone with the minions.

I loved all this extra time with Robb. We’re always a little startled to find that we still like each other when given time to have a full conversation face-to-face. Especially when the kids aren’t even in the building? Oooh, forget it. It feels like vacation, even when we’re just talking about website redesign or whether we can barter with ice cream to pay our mortgage. It is so refreshing to do things together instead of constantly remotely trying to collaborate on everything.

Especially sex. ;)

All this time with the kids has been grand, too. They’re 10 million times easier and more fun than once they were, so even when it’s just me against them, I can mostly manage. There’s whining and snack demands and narrow misses on bathroom shenanigans, and about once a day someone tells me, in their childish parlance, to go fuck myself, but it’s mostly smooth sailing.

But I’m ready for this quiet. Earlier this evening, when I came out of the bedroom after having put the little one down (not in the vet sort of way, just ‘to bed’) I was disgruntled to find that the big kid was standing there all, ‘IS SHE ASLEEP? CAN WE HANG OUT NOW?’ It seems that he requires late night attention now, as he no longer needs as much sleep. I like the one-on-one time and all the Harry Potter books/movies we’ve been sharing, but it means that I only get to not parent, like, 9 or 10 hours/day now, and a few of those I really should be sleeping.

So. How am I doing on my 40th year of life goals so far? Well. Positives: I haven’t drank alcohol. I’m at least stretching or walking every day, if not exercising. I’m drinking a lot of water and tea. Negatives: I’m not sleeping any more than I used to (see above). I’m still eating way too much sugar. I haven’t ‘unhooked myself from that big sugar train’ yet. I’m sneaky about it- like, I’m not eating cookies or cake, but I SURELY ate cranberry sauce (which is 1:1 cranberry:sugar) and 75% of a pie this weekend. That doesn’t count, right? (Readers: It does. It does count)

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(Sam Elliott, as Ron Dunn, or “Other Ron,” from Eagleton. Wears sandals).

But, again, since this isn’t about poundage or inches or anything more than feeling like I’m being good to myself over the span of a year, I’d say I’m roughly on track.

The goal of finishing my novel this year, of writing daily, it’s going ok….I’ll continue to make better habits. I want it. I’ll get there.

Now, going to pour myself a cuppa and try to figure out some words to smoosh into an essay.


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