Hey, all. I want to enter another humor writing contest in a few weeks, and the only direction given is word count (low: 250). Help me choose a topic, or if you hate the ones I’m thinking about, help me choose a different one.

Options:

A. I Hate The New Toaster My Husband Bought So Much, I’ve Started to Hate Him, Too

B. My Kid Got in Trouble for Adding the “F” Word to a Song in Kindergarten, But Honestly, It Made it Way Fucking Better

C. You’ll Be Relieved to Know, There is No Five-Second Rule in Surgery

D. That Time I Almost Died from a Zombie Bite

E. (A write-in idea that’s a helluvalot better than any of these duds)

Please cast your votes.

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